Bonnie’s Official List of Classics to Read, to Avoid, and, well, the Ones I Don’t Have an Opinion on Yet

Lists of classics and books to read about on the internet. I mean, you basically aren't even literate if you haven't read this list of the 238 greatest books of all time. Or something like that. (I by the way, haven't read all 238, so you could probably discount this list because it mostly means I'm not literate.) This post also has nothing to do with law, but it does have to do with English and my deep love of literature, and that's what led me to law, so there you go! And, because there was list after list of classics to read, I figured someone should make a list of classics to read and a list of classics to avoid, because -- let's be honest -- there's quite a few of those as well. 

So, without any further ado (but with a plethora of promised interruptions), my list of classics!

(As an FYI, these lists have no order of favorite to least favorite or anything – it’s simply the order they came into mind. Also, I already know I missed a bunch in all categories, so if your favorite classic isn’t here, don’t feel slighted. The odds are super high that I also love it.)

Classics to Read, and sometimes (when I felt like writing a paragraph about it) even why! (I will not feel like writing a paragraph about all of these. Just warning you now. Okay, now that it’s all written I can tell you with all certainty that I will actually write a paragraph for all of these. But some paragraph will be shorter than others. Like,  a sentence long.)

1. East of Eden by John Steinbeck. Now, I’m not a huge Steinbeck fan (in fact, this will be the only Steinbeck you see on this whole page. I’m not enough of a hater to put him in the avoid list, but nothing else he wrote made it onto the read list either…), but I love this book. I love it a lot. It’s very lengthy, so get ready to settle in for the long haul, but the parallels that Steinbeck makes in this book, both as to the story of the Garden of Eden and the parallels he creates from Part 1 of the book to Part 2 amaze me. I think it’s written so well.  I think the big point he ultimately makes in the end is beautiful and it’s a fascinating journey to get there. 

2. Persuasion by Jane Austen. This is my favorite Austen novel, which has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that it’s the shortest, because my second favorite is Emma, and that’s her longest. It was her last full-length novel that she published before she died and I think her writing style was more mature and something that I, personally, really enjoyed. Also I just love the idea of second chances. Honestly, all Jane Austen’s books are on this list for me. I love them all. But, if you only have a time to read a few, or you read one or two and it’s not your cup of tea (see what I did there? Cup of tea?) I would recommend them in the following order: Persuasion, Emma, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Northanger Abbey, and Mansfield Park.

3. The Princess Bride by William Goldman. This book is hilarious, super well written, and pulled a few literary stunts that were unheard of before it was published. As an added bonus, it’s SUPER quotable. And you can picture Peter Falk reading you the whole thing.

4. Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery. These might not be for everyone, but I loved them. They are not, as Thom once said, simply about a “spaz who lives in Canada.” It’s true that there’s no huge, overarching plot, or terrifying twist or serious action – it’s just the story of someone’s life and I think that’s incredible. Even if you don’t read all 8, read the first one or two. They’re worth it.

5.  Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. Okay, Lewis Carroll is a SUPER clever writer, but this book isn’t as nearly as funny if you don’t know the timeframe very well. What makes this book so great is how many of the poems and stories of the day Carroll mocked and how well he did it! So, if you’re going to read this book, find me and borrow my annotated version that has the original poems, songs, or stories alongside his satirized ones – it makes it so much better.

6. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Atticus Finch. Enough said. (In my personal opinion, this book is the great American novel and The Great Gatsby can shove it.) (Also note, do not read Go Set a Watchman. It’s not a sequel, it’s not nearly as good and I can rant about it for at least a solid 30 minutes if you’ll let me.)

7. Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare. I can feel the judgmental stares here, but it’s really a good play! I didn’t think so when I read it at 14 either (really, there’s no reason that freshman should be reading this play. Like, ever.), but when I re-read it in college I loved it. It’s so much more complex than I gave it credit for and I love how it really is Juliet’s story more than anything else. Plus there’s a ton of symbolism and it’s fun in the fact that the more you look for, the more you will find. Shakespeare is kind of bomb.com.

8. Other Shakepeare. But not all other Shakespeare (if you note in the classics to avoid, Shakespeare makes it there too…). Because he wrote SO many plays, it was just inevitable that some of his plays would have plots that are incredibly similar to each. For instance, Comedy of Errors is basically the lite version of Twelfth Night, but there are a bunch you should consider reading, such as Twelfth Night, Hamlet, Much Ado About Nothing, The Tempest, Othello, Midsummer Night’s Dream (I guess…), Macbeth, As You Like It, and Merchant of Venice.

9.  1984 by George Orwell. He was good at writing depressing things. And there are a lot of reasons to avoid this one, but the way he chose to end it really struck me as an interesting commentary on human nature (and scarily, probably a pretty accurate one). Plus, Orwell was writing dystopian novels before it was cool, so he should probably be given some credit for that.

10. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain. I thought this book was hilarious. I know it’s a lot more than hilarious, but Tom Sawyer just cracks me up. He gets into a lot of trouble, but you have to admit that he’s an ingenious kid. And he might have more life experience than I do.

11. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain. Slavery. What’s right and wrong? Can it be that sometimes what you’ve grown up with your whole life is just wrong? You know, that kind of fun dilemma. Twain was also one of the first people to use dialect the way he did. It’s super frowned upon in writing now, but it was revolutionary at the time.

12. The Odyssey by Homer. My dad has officially started piping in on this list and he’s just appalled that I didn’t include The Iliad, but I’m not going for a historical list. I’m going for a literary one. If you’re going to read The Odyssey, which I obviously recommend, read the translation by Robert Fagles. I personally think it’s the best one.

(It looks like this -- just in case you want to buy it from Amazon or something.)

13. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. When does man go too far in his attempts to make his world a better place? Where is that divisive line of where God is and man should not attempt to go? Probably shouldn’t try to build a person, just a thought…

14. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. It’s so good! It’s long. It’s super long. And the language is a little bit flouty at times, but it’s so good! The movie is the roughly the first 1/3 of the book and then the last ten pages. Kind of. Man, if you ever thought revenge was the way to go, read this book. It’ll totally change your mind. It’s so good.

15.  Charles Dickens, in general. He’s a little (a lot actually) wordy (I mean, even wordier than I am!), he’s a little preachy, but not to the point where you just feel like you’re being hit with a proverbial moral brick to the head. Plus, he’s preachy about thing I can get behind, like no child labor and making factories safer, and really awesome issues of his day. He did get paid per word, so that was a problem, but his characters feel so real to me and when I delve into his stories I truly think I’m in a different world. Some I would specifically recommend off the top of my head are The Pickwick Papers, David Copperfield, A Christmas Carol (which is really just a short story, but so worth it. In fact I think I like it better because it’s a short story), Great Expectations, Bleak House, and Hard Times.

16.  Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. I think this story is phenomenal. I love that it’s simply the story of the life of a family, of these four girls and the journey they take throughout life and how they navigate the challenges that life presents, yet hold together as a family. I wish I could be as graceful as they are sometimes…

17. The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde. I love Oscar Wilde. He is just one of the funniest, most egotistical, conceited, yet talented authors that I’ve read. In fact, now that I think about it, Picture of Dorian Grey isn’t even his best! (Although it’s still great.) An Ideal Husband or The Importance of Being Ernest. Go read those too.

18. Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis. Okay, so it’s not any big secret that Lewis wrote this whole series as a religious metaphor and he’s not even a little subtle about it, but it’s still amazing. I love Aslan (who doesn’t?) and the world Lewis created is incredible to me.

19.  Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux. Phenomenal book – but it will totally change the way you think of the Phantom if you’ve only seen the movie. I mean, I’ve seen the movie and I love Gerard just as much as the next girl, and he makes it impossible to hate the Phantom (or to think of him as ugly), but this book? The Phantom is the WORST. Awful. You kind of just hate him, but it’s written so well!

20.   The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. Talk about people being able to transform. The journey that each of these kids takes is so powerfully written, and how they are all able to help change each other for the good is incredible. It just goes to show what a powerful influence good friends can be. 

21. Edgar Allen Poe. Just, Poe. Specifically his poem “Anabel Lee” and some of this stories featuring the detective, Dupin. Guys, Poe had some issues for sure, but he was INCREDIBLE! He basically invented the short story, and he also created Dupin way before Sherlock Holmes was a thing. Dupin was the inspiration for Sherlock Holmes. How cool is that?

22. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontё. This book was also revolutionary for its time, and it’s a little long, but if you can get past that it’s great—in my humble opinion. (But of course, all of this is my humble opinion so…take it as you will.) I also love that, despite everything she’s been through, Jane never loses her moral compass and she always does the right thing, not matter how hard it is. That’s impressive to me. I’m not quite there yet…

23. Les Miserablѐs by Victor Hugo. But for the love of all that is holy, do not get the unabridged version. It’s not worth it. It’s not better. Get the abridged version and save yourself hours of unnecessary torture.

Classics to Avoid, and why!  

1. Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontё. Words can’t even begin to describe how much I despise this book. To me, personally, there is no redeemable quality to it. Okay, that’s harsh. There’s one or two. It is an excellent story about how NOT to live your life and a great example of the type of relationship you should never settle for because it’s just straight up bad for you. Heathcliff drives me up the wall. He treats everyone absolutely terribly and yet women are falling all over him, vying for his attention and love. The women are insipid (that might also be a smidgen harsh too…but they’re not great) and willing to submit to any sort of bad treatment in order to get attention. Terrible role models for you and for your daughters. 

2. Lord of the Flies by William Golding. I’m really okay with depressing books, but this isn’t just a depressing book. It’s a depressing, awful book. I mean, it is a fascinating commentary on what society could devolve into if it was a bunch of boys with absolutely no real governing power, and I don’t even think it’s that far off, but I just….I hated reading it. It made me sad and depressed and angry all at once.

3. Ernest Hemingway. I know this is totally just personal (as is, well most of this list, but especially 3 & 4) but I can’t stand Hemingway’s style. He has one or two short stories I like, but by and large I don’t think your life is any worse off by completely avoiding him.

4. William Faulkner. See above. He did really streamline the whole “stream of consciousness” type of writing, so props to him. But he’s stupid hard to read, and what you ultimately get out of it is not worth the effort of what you’ve put in.

5. Moby Dick by Herman Melville. This might in fact be one of the most boring books I’ve ever read. The writing is dull, the characters are written so thin you can almost see through them, and the only living creature in the entire story I wanted anything good to happen to ever was the white whale that was supposed to die. It does show that an obsession can rule your life completely if you give it that power though. Props.

6. Shakespeare’s Histories. They’re just boring. Very, very boring. And very much so catering to the royalty of the time. I mean, Shakespeare was British and I suppose if the queen didn’t like his plays she could make his life miserable, but man, the way he re-writes elements of history to make the British monarchy look phenomenal is just, well, it’s something. If you absolutely are dying to read some, try Henry IV, Part One, Henry IV, Part Two, and Henry V. Fun fact: that awesome speech in Independence Day that Bill Pullman gives to rally his people into going to fight the aliens, is a Hollywood version of the St. Crispin Day speech that Shakespeare wrote for Henry V. That particular speech is VERY good.

7. Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe. I mean, it was pretty revolutionary for its time, but today it’s just pedantic and high-handed. A whole lot of white, Christian man saving the natives happening in this story. The real title of this story is The Life and Strange Surprizing Adventures of Robinson Crusoe, Of York, Mariner: Who lived Eight and Twenty years, all alone in an un-inhabited Island on the Coast of America, near the Mouth of the Great River of Oroonoque; Having been cast on Shore by Shipwreck, wherein all the Men perished but himself. With An Account how he was at last as strangely deliver’d by Pyrates. I’m not kidding. That’s the full title. And if that doesn’t warn you off reading this story, I don’t know what will. First of all, the entire story is completely given away by the title—you even know the ending! Second, apparently Friday didn’t count as good enough company, since, you know, he wasn’t a white, Christian man. So yes, Crusoe was all alone, minus Friday, who did almost all the chores….

8. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. Why this has been considered a classic for years, I honestly do not know. It’s about this creepy, perverted older guy who is obsessed with this 12 year old girl, and how his obsession defines and ruins his life. That’s the plotline, except I’m sparing you a lot of unnecessary and super weird detail. You’re welcome.

9.  Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. So, SO slow. And so political. And so moral. I mean, I am not against authors trying to make a political or moral statement, that’s totally their prerogative, but mine is not to read it. Especially when they don’t even try to cover their statements with a semblance of a plot.

10.  Life of Pi by Yann Martel. I mean, it wasn’t atrocious or anything. The symbolism was nice (if a bit high-handed and breathing down your neck a little), but it was just so… lackluster. I mean, when I got to the end I was just relieved it was over. There were one or two points where I thought “Oh, that’s a super amazing paragraph!” but I don’t think that’s worth a whole book.

11. My dad has again piped in and says not to bother with Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert or Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck. I’ve never read either of them, so I can’t definitely say anything but a) I trust Dad and b) I’ve heard of both of them and never had the desire to read them. So that’s got to say something.

Classics I Didn’t List Because I Have Yet to Read Them and Thus I Have No Formed Opinion

1.  Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy.

2. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger.

3. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller.

4.  Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

5.  Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson.

6.  The Time Machine by H.G. Wells.

7.  Paradise Lost by Milton.

8. The Screwtape Letters and Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis.

I do want to read all of these books at some point, along with just about thousands of others, but I haven’t gotten around to them yet.  I’ve heard that The Catcher in the Rye isn’t worth it at all, but I still need to read it, if nothing else just so I can say I have.

Contemporary Literature that Would Become a Classic if Bonnie had Her Way (Although We Live in a World Where ‘Selfie’ Got Added to the Dictionary, so Who Knows What Will Happpen?). 

1. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.

2. The Road by Cormac McCarthy.

3. All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr.

4.  The Help by Kathryn Stockett.

5. Shane by Jack Shaefer.

6. Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie.

7. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak.

8. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern.

9. The Giver by Lois Lowry.

10. Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. Ha! That was a joke. J I know. I’m hilarious.

Of course, there’s a slew of classics that aren’t mentioned here. They generally fall into the category of “Well, I read it and I didn’t hate it, but I also didn’t love it enough to put it on a must-read list.” Examples of this are books like The Great Gatsby, Dracula, The Scarlet Letter, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, and Gone with the Wind. 

And these books are all how I cultivated my love of literature and the other worlds and places they can take me too. They're all (even the ones I hated in their own way) a part of how I got to where I am today -- which is on my way to being lawyered. And lawyering others...