Bonnie’s Official List of Classics to Read, to Avoid, and, well, the Ones I Don’t Have an Opinion on Yet

Lists of classics and books to read about on the internet. I mean, you basically aren't even literate if you haven't read this list of the 238 greatest books of all time. Or something like that. (I by the way, haven't read all 238, so you could probably discount this list because it mostly means I'm not literate.) This post also has nothing to do with law, but it does have to do with English and my deep love of literature, and that's what led me to law, so there you go! And, because there was list after list of classics to read, I figured someone should make a list of classics to read and a list of classics to avoid, because -- let's be honest -- there's quite a few of those as well. 

So, without any further ado (but with a plethora of promised interruptions), my list of classics!

(As an FYI, these lists have no order of favorite to least favorite or anything – it’s simply the order they came into mind. Also, I already know I missed a bunch in all categories, so if your favorite classic isn’t here, don’t feel slighted. The odds are super high that I also love it.)

Classics to Read, and sometimes (when I felt like writing a paragraph about it) even why! (I will not feel like writing a paragraph about all of these. Just warning you now. Okay, now that it’s all written I can tell you with all certainty that I will actually write a paragraph for all of these. But some paragraph will be shorter than others. Like,  a sentence long.)

1. East of Eden by John Steinbeck. Now, I’m not a huge Steinbeck fan (in fact, this will be the only Steinbeck you see on this whole page. I’m not enough of a hater to put him in the avoid list, but nothing else he wrote made it onto the read list either…), but I love this book. I love it a lot. It’s very lengthy, so get ready to settle in for the long haul, but the parallels that Steinbeck makes in this book, both as to the story of the Garden of Eden and the parallels he creates from Part 1 of the book to Part 2 amaze me. I think it’s written so well.  I think the big point he ultimately makes in the end is beautiful and it’s a fascinating journey to get there. 

2. Persuasion by Jane Austen. This is my favorite Austen novel, which has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that it’s the shortest, because my second favorite is Emma, and that’s her longest. It was her last full-length novel that she published before she died and I think her writing style was more mature and something that I, personally, really enjoyed. Also I just love the idea of second chances. Honestly, all Jane Austen’s books are on this list for me. I love them all. But, if you only have a time to read a few, or you read one or two and it’s not your cup of tea (see what I did there? Cup of tea?) I would recommend them in the following order: Persuasion, Emma, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Northanger Abbey, and Mansfield Park.

3. The Princess Bride by William Goldman. This book is hilarious, super well written, and pulled a few literary stunts that were unheard of before it was published. As an added bonus, it’s SUPER quotable. And you can picture Peter Falk reading you the whole thing.

4. Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery. These might not be for everyone, but I loved them. They are not, as Thom once said, simply about a “spaz who lives in Canada.” It’s true that there’s no huge, overarching plot, or terrifying twist or serious action – it’s just the story of someone’s life and I think that’s incredible. Even if you don’t read all 8, read the first one or two. They’re worth it.

5.  Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. Okay, Lewis Carroll is a SUPER clever writer, but this book isn’t as nearly as funny if you don’t know the timeframe very well. What makes this book so great is how many of the poems and stories of the day Carroll mocked and how well he did it! So, if you’re going to read this book, find me and borrow my annotated version that has the original poems, songs, or stories alongside his satirized ones – it makes it so much better.

6. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Atticus Finch. Enough said. (In my personal opinion, this book is the great American novel and The Great Gatsby can shove it.) (Also note, do not read Go Set a Watchman. It’s not a sequel, it’s not nearly as good and I can rant about it for at least a solid 30 minutes if you’ll let me.)

7. Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare. I can feel the judgmental stares here, but it’s really a good play! I didn’t think so when I read it at 14 either (really, there’s no reason that freshman should be reading this play. Like, ever.), but when I re-read it in college I loved it. It’s so much more complex than I gave it credit for and I love how it really is Juliet’s story more than anything else. Plus there’s a ton of symbolism and it’s fun in the fact that the more you look for, the more you will find. Shakespeare is kind of bomb.com.

8. Other Shakepeare. But not all other Shakespeare (if you note in the classics to avoid, Shakespeare makes it there too…). Because he wrote SO many plays, it was just inevitable that some of his plays would have plots that are incredibly similar to each. For instance, Comedy of Errors is basically the lite version of Twelfth Night, but there are a bunch you should consider reading, such as Twelfth Night, Hamlet, Much Ado About Nothing, The Tempest, Othello, Midsummer Night’s Dream (I guess…), Macbeth, As You Like It, and Merchant of Venice.

9.  1984 by George Orwell. He was good at writing depressing things. And there are a lot of reasons to avoid this one, but the way he chose to end it really struck me as an interesting commentary on human nature (and scarily, probably a pretty accurate one). Plus, Orwell was writing dystopian novels before it was cool, so he should probably be given some credit for that.

10. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain. I thought this book was hilarious. I know it’s a lot more than hilarious, but Tom Sawyer just cracks me up. He gets into a lot of trouble, but you have to admit that he’s an ingenious kid. And he might have more life experience than I do.

11. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain. Slavery. What’s right and wrong? Can it be that sometimes what you’ve grown up with your whole life is just wrong? You know, that kind of fun dilemma. Twain was also one of the first people to use dialect the way he did. It’s super frowned upon in writing now, but it was revolutionary at the time.

12. The Odyssey by Homer. My dad has officially started piping in on this list and he’s just appalled that I didn’t include The Iliad, but I’m not going for a historical list. I’m going for a literary one. If you’re going to read The Odyssey, which I obviously recommend, read the translation by Robert Fagles. I personally think it’s the best one.

(It looks like this -- just in case you want to buy it from Amazon or something.)

13. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. When does man go too far in his attempts to make his world a better place? Where is that divisive line of where God is and man should not attempt to go? Probably shouldn’t try to build a person, just a thought…

14. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. It’s so good! It’s long. It’s super long. And the language is a little bit flouty at times, but it’s so good! The movie is the roughly the first 1/3 of the book and then the last ten pages. Kind of. Man, if you ever thought revenge was the way to go, read this book. It’ll totally change your mind. It’s so good.

15.  Charles Dickens, in general. He’s a little (a lot actually) wordy (I mean, even wordier than I am!), he’s a little preachy, but not to the point where you just feel like you’re being hit with a proverbial moral brick to the head. Plus, he’s preachy about thing I can get behind, like no child labor and making factories safer, and really awesome issues of his day. He did get paid per word, so that was a problem, but his characters feel so real to me and when I delve into his stories I truly think I’m in a different world. Some I would specifically recommend off the top of my head are The Pickwick Papers, David Copperfield, A Christmas Carol (which is really just a short story, but so worth it. In fact I think I like it better because it’s a short story), Great Expectations, Bleak House, and Hard Times.

16.  Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. I think this story is phenomenal. I love that it’s simply the story of the life of a family, of these four girls and the journey they take throughout life and how they navigate the challenges that life presents, yet hold together as a family. I wish I could be as graceful as they are sometimes…

17. The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde. I love Oscar Wilde. He is just one of the funniest, most egotistical, conceited, yet talented authors that I’ve read. In fact, now that I think about it, Picture of Dorian Grey isn’t even his best! (Although it’s still great.) An Ideal Husband or The Importance of Being Ernest. Go read those too.

18. Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis. Okay, so it’s not any big secret that Lewis wrote this whole series as a religious metaphor and he’s not even a little subtle about it, but it’s still amazing. I love Aslan (who doesn’t?) and the world Lewis created is incredible to me.

19.  Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux. Phenomenal book – but it will totally change the way you think of the Phantom if you’ve only seen the movie. I mean, I’ve seen the movie and I love Gerard just as much as the next girl, and he makes it impossible to hate the Phantom (or to think of him as ugly), but this book? The Phantom is the WORST. Awful. You kind of just hate him, but it’s written so well!

20.   The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. Talk about people being able to transform. The journey that each of these kids takes is so powerfully written, and how they are all able to help change each other for the good is incredible. It just goes to show what a powerful influence good friends can be. 

21. Edgar Allen Poe. Just, Poe. Specifically his poem “Anabel Lee” and some of this stories featuring the detective, Dupin. Guys, Poe had some issues for sure, but he was INCREDIBLE! He basically invented the short story, and he also created Dupin way before Sherlock Holmes was a thing. Dupin was the inspiration for Sherlock Holmes. How cool is that?

22. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontё. This book was also revolutionary for its time, and it’s a little long, but if you can get past that it’s great—in my humble opinion. (But of course, all of this is my humble opinion so…take it as you will.) I also love that, despite everything she’s been through, Jane never loses her moral compass and she always does the right thing, not matter how hard it is. That’s impressive to me. I’m not quite there yet…

23. Les Miserablѐs by Victor Hugo. But for the love of all that is holy, do not get the unabridged version. It’s not worth it. It’s not better. Get the abridged version and save yourself hours of unnecessary torture.

Classics to Avoid, and why!  

1. Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontё. Words can’t even begin to describe how much I despise this book. To me, personally, there is no redeemable quality to it. Okay, that’s harsh. There’s one or two. It is an excellent story about how NOT to live your life and a great example of the type of relationship you should never settle for because it’s just straight up bad for you. Heathcliff drives me up the wall. He treats everyone absolutely terribly and yet women are falling all over him, vying for his attention and love. The women are insipid (that might also be a smidgen harsh too…but they’re not great) and willing to submit to any sort of bad treatment in order to get attention. Terrible role models for you and for your daughters. 

2. Lord of the Flies by William Golding. I’m really okay with depressing books, but this isn’t just a depressing book. It’s a depressing, awful book. I mean, it is a fascinating commentary on what society could devolve into if it was a bunch of boys with absolutely no real governing power, and I don’t even think it’s that far off, but I just….I hated reading it. It made me sad and depressed and angry all at once.

3. Ernest Hemingway. I know this is totally just personal (as is, well most of this list, but especially 3 & 4) but I can’t stand Hemingway’s style. He has one or two short stories I like, but by and large I don’t think your life is any worse off by completely avoiding him.

4. William Faulkner. See above. He did really streamline the whole “stream of consciousness” type of writing, so props to him. But he’s stupid hard to read, and what you ultimately get out of it is not worth the effort of what you’ve put in.

5. Moby Dick by Herman Melville. This might in fact be one of the most boring books I’ve ever read. The writing is dull, the characters are written so thin you can almost see through them, and the only living creature in the entire story I wanted anything good to happen to ever was the white whale that was supposed to die. It does show that an obsession can rule your life completely if you give it that power though. Props.

6. Shakespeare’s Histories. They’re just boring. Very, very boring. And very much so catering to the royalty of the time. I mean, Shakespeare was British and I suppose if the queen didn’t like his plays she could make his life miserable, but man, the way he re-writes elements of history to make the British monarchy look phenomenal is just, well, it’s something. If you absolutely are dying to read some, try Henry IV, Part One, Henry IV, Part Two, and Henry V. Fun fact: that awesome speech in Independence Day that Bill Pullman gives to rally his people into going to fight the aliens, is a Hollywood version of the St. Crispin Day speech that Shakespeare wrote for Henry V. That particular speech is VERY good.

7. Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe. I mean, it was pretty revolutionary for its time, but today it’s just pedantic and high-handed. A whole lot of white, Christian man saving the natives happening in this story. The real title of this story is The Life and Strange Surprizing Adventures of Robinson Crusoe, Of York, Mariner: Who lived Eight and Twenty years, all alone in an un-inhabited Island on the Coast of America, near the Mouth of the Great River of Oroonoque; Having been cast on Shore by Shipwreck, wherein all the Men perished but himself. With An Account how he was at last as strangely deliver’d by Pyrates. I’m not kidding. That’s the full title. And if that doesn’t warn you off reading this story, I don’t know what will. First of all, the entire story is completely given away by the title—you even know the ending! Second, apparently Friday didn’t count as good enough company, since, you know, he wasn’t a white, Christian man. So yes, Crusoe was all alone, minus Friday, who did almost all the chores….

8. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. Why this has been considered a classic for years, I honestly do not know. It’s about this creepy, perverted older guy who is obsessed with this 12 year old girl, and how his obsession defines and ruins his life. That’s the plotline, except I’m sparing you a lot of unnecessary and super weird detail. You’re welcome.

9.  Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. So, SO slow. And so political. And so moral. I mean, I am not against authors trying to make a political or moral statement, that’s totally their prerogative, but mine is not to read it. Especially when they don’t even try to cover their statements with a semblance of a plot.

10.  Life of Pi by Yann Martel. I mean, it wasn’t atrocious or anything. The symbolism was nice (if a bit high-handed and breathing down your neck a little), but it was just so… lackluster. I mean, when I got to the end I was just relieved it was over. There were one or two points where I thought “Oh, that’s a super amazing paragraph!” but I don’t think that’s worth a whole book.

11. My dad has again piped in and says not to bother with Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert or Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck. I’ve never read either of them, so I can’t definitely say anything but a) I trust Dad and b) I’ve heard of both of them and never had the desire to read them. So that’s got to say something.

Classics I Didn’t List Because I Have Yet to Read Them and Thus I Have No Formed Opinion

1.  Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy.

2. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger.

3. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller.

4.  Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

5.  Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson.

6.  The Time Machine by H.G. Wells.

7.  Paradise Lost by Milton.

8. The Screwtape Letters and Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis.

I do want to read all of these books at some point, along with just about thousands of others, but I haven’t gotten around to them yet.  I’ve heard that The Catcher in the Rye isn’t worth it at all, but I still need to read it, if nothing else just so I can say I have.

Contemporary Literature that Would Become a Classic if Bonnie had Her Way (Although We Live in a World Where ‘Selfie’ Got Added to the Dictionary, so Who Knows What Will Happpen?). 

1. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.

2. The Road by Cormac McCarthy.

3. All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr.

4.  The Help by Kathryn Stockett.

5. Shane by Jack Shaefer.

6. Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie.

7. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak.

8. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern.

9. The Giver by Lois Lowry.

10. Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. Ha! That was a joke. J I know. I’m hilarious.

Of course, there’s a slew of classics that aren’t mentioned here. They generally fall into the category of “Well, I read it and I didn’t hate it, but I also didn’t love it enough to put it on a must-read list.” Examples of this are books like The Great Gatsby, Dracula, The Scarlet Letter, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, and Gone with the Wind. 

And these books are all how I cultivated my love of literature and the other worlds and places they can take me too. They're all (even the ones I hated in their own way) a part of how I got to where I am today -- which is on my way to being lawyered. And lawyering others...

Actually Taking the LSAT (aka Loads of Sorrow and Tears)

Ah, the test day. The day you’ve been waiting for and dreading, but mostly the day you just want to be over. It’s here. And here’s what to do and what to expect. Roughly. If you have a mind anything like mine. Which, for your sake, I really hope you don’t. Mine is a bit scatterbrained.

The first thing (and this is very important—potentially the most important thing I’ll say today) is that you need to have a friend who is willing to get up at 6 am on a Saturday, drive to the next town over to buy some of the most delicious scones in creation, and then drive back so they can surprise you with breakfast. This is essential for creating the right testing atmosphere straight from the get-go. I happen to have such a friend, and they’re very important friends to have (not just for the LSAT test day, but for life in general).

(This is Catelyn. You'll probably see a lot of her on this blog because I'm immensely fond of her. Also because she's freakishly awesome and does oodles of cool things and I inevitably end up living vicariously through her. She's pretty much the world's best person. Someday you all will love her almost as much as I do.)

If you don’t have such a friend, spend time after all the hulabaloo of the LSAT is over looking for one, and in the meantime make yourself breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day J Also, testing rules say you’re allowed to bring snacks with you and you should totally utilize that, because it turns that out that sitting in a chair for hours on end and doing nothing but frying your brain and filling in bubble sheets will still make you hungry.

When you get to whatever testing center you’re going to, pretty much everyone is going to look nervous and a little scared. Everyone that is, except for that one kid who has a seat right at the front because you know he got there a solid hour ahead of time, and he just looks super bright-eyed and bushy tailed, and very, very determined. It’s important that you never get in this kid’s way in life. Ever. He will be succeeding at everything he does, and you just don’t want to mess with getting in the way of that.  If you are that one kid, congratulations. I’m proud of you. You’ll do great things in life! You probably skipped breakfast to get there that early though, and that’s bad. Or you cheerfully got up at 5 and you have a kind of willpower that I will never know.

So, after you’ve all gotten situated and have had just enough time to psych yourself out that you are going to epically fail, the test starts and the proctor gives you your time warnings and you’ll kind of get in the zone and, honestly the first half of the test flies by. It’s the second half that makes you start looking into various forms of suicide.  

Halfway through your delightful 5 hours of testing, they let you have 15 minutes to stretch, eat, go to the bathroom, etc. Of course you can’t leave the ordained area and you’re not allowed to discuss the test in any way, shape, or form, but you get a break. This break murdered me. At first I appreciated it, because it is really nice to stand up after sitting for so long, but if your mind is anything like mine, once you have a break from something horrific, it’s really hard to go back. Getting my mind back in the zone was incredibly challenging and section 4 was the section I did the worst on. (Hands down. I mean, it’s not even like it was a close call or anything. My percentage of right answers drops drastically in section 4. It was kind of sad. You know what was even more sad? Section 4 wasn’t my test section that didn’t count for anything. That was section 3. Which I aced by the way. Of course.)

The moral of that paragraph?

Don’t Ever Let Yourself Get Out Of The Zone!

Know full well that you’re going back into that room and brace yourself for it. Make your brain cooperate with you. (This is also why it’s so important to build the stamina during the practice tests. And maybe take a 15 minute break during the practice test. I never did that. Look where it got me. I mean, I’m still going to school and all, but I could be going to school with a higher LSAT score!)

During your break, you and the other testees will be idly chatting (about everything and anything besides the test of course. The proctors watch you like a hawk during your break. Don’t think that they don’t.) and you’ll begin to notice a slightly fuzzy, yet solidly divisive line between you. A rough 40% of you will be calm, collected, somehow looking even more refreshed after 2.5 hours of test taking than you did before. They’ll be laughing and joking during the break, looking suspiciously like the poster children for the covers of LSAT prep books across the nation. Another 40-45% will look just a little bit like mildly well-groomed drug dealers. They’ll be ignoring all the pleasant small talk. Usually you can identify them because they’re staring out windows and calculating how easy it would be to force the window open and jump, all while anxiously biting their nails and pacing back and forth. The other 15-20% of you will be somewhere in that middle ground, trying to figure out where exactly you fit between the Rico Suaves and the Pablo Escobars of the world.

I, unfortunately, fell a little more towards the drug dealer percentage of test takers. While I wasn’t biting my nails (it took me years to break that habit and there’s no chance I’m going to let a paltry thing like a life-changing test weaken me), I did have a hoodie (since they ARE a comfort clothing item and I DID leave my house at 7:00 on a very, very chilly December morning) and a messy bun (and I’m not talking about the cute messy buns that some girls pull off. I can’t quite figure that out. I’m talking about the messy bun that looks almost identical to a rat’s nest) and small talk absolutely wasn’t something I was feeling capable of. I did smile a lot. And nod my head kind of inanely. A few people were looking at me like they were a little worried about my mental state, but let’s not go into that…

Regardless of which category you fall into during the break, once the test starts back up again you all meld into the same faceless ball of anxiety (minus the perky soul up on row 1), racing toward the finish line.

And then you’re done. Just like that you’re done! The proctors shoo you out the room (actually it’s more like they try to organize chaos as people stampede out of the room) and tell you you’ll get your results in a month (which is just their own form of cruel and unusual punishment).

Now, once you’ve finish your test, there are several options for how to spend the remainder of your day:

Locking yourself in your room with a pizza and Netflix is a very, very good one. It’s not one I chose, but it’s one I would have chosen hands down did I not have prior engagements.

Going out with friends (or spouses or significant others or family or whoever you have nearby that you love who also loves you) who are continually telling you how smart you are and how well you did is another. (Just make sure your friends have the stamina to keep up the phrase, “No, [insert your name here], I KNOW you did amazing! You did better than everyone else in that room. I bet you’re the first person to have gotten a 180 on that test!” repeatedly for about 2 hours.)

A third option is to aimlessly wander around the building where you took the test, reliving every single detail and wondering how you could have done better. But I don’t recommend that option.

Whatever you choose, be proud of yourself. You just took a killer test and you survived! You didn’t even just survive, you probably excelled. You’re basically bomb.com, and you’re well on your way to becoming lawyered!

The Months Leading Up to Torture (aka Getting Ready for the LSAT)

I’m sorry it’s been a little longer than usual (because you can definitely have a ‘usual’ when your blog’s been up for less than a month), and I know that all of my devoted followers (why yes, I’m talking to you SteFany) were devastated when I didn’t have another post up by the week mark, but there was a VERY good reason for it.

My sister had a baby!!!! It’s her first and she’s adorable. It’s my 20^th niece/nephew, and she’s STILL adorable. I spent as much of the weekend as humanly possible with them, and blogging just wasn’t really on my mind.

Aren’t they a perfect family? 

Aren’t I an adorable auntie?

Anyway, enough of joy and laughter – back to law.

When it comes right down to it, the LSAT is a fairly simple (albeit time consuming, expensive, and tear-jerking) process. The number one thing you need to do is give yourself time. (It would also help if you had an long-lost aunt that you weren’t incredibly close to [but she had a fancy for you because you reminded her of her long-lost child] die and leave you a couple thousand dollars.) How much time you want to give yourself varies a little bit depending on your confidence and test-taking abilities; some people (the people I kind of despise) are natural test-takers and they don’t need to work themselves into quite the frenzy that regular, mortal folk need to.

I took the LSAT in December, and I started studying for it in October. I wish I had given myself another month or two, but October was right about when I decided to go to law school, so that was just the way it all rolled. I would say that 5-6 months is probably a decent amount of time to block out, from the very beginning of the process to the ultimate end.

Now, I will give you the “X-number” of steps (I really don’t know how many steps I’m going to give you. I’m guessing I’ll know the number by about the time I finish writing this post. [It’s 5 in case you were wondering.]) needed to ace the LSAT. Or at least take it and not feel like you’re going to absolutely die.

1. Go into this whole process (and by whole process, I mean the LSAT, school applications, interview plans, touring schools—the whole kit and caboodle) knowing that you will spend a ridiculous about of money. You may have already learned this from harsh experience, but just in case you didn’t you should learn it now: applying for grad school (any grad school) is an expensive process. (The people who make money off this process tell you it’s an “investment” and by golly they’d better be right or in 5 years, heads will roll.) You will easily spend anywhere from $500-$1000 (or more) before you’ve been accepted into a law school.

2. Register. I know this sounds so intuitively obvious to the most casual of observers, but the LSAT is only given 4 times a year and if you want to avoid a late registration fee you need to register a couple months early. (The test already costs over $200 to take, so trust me, you don’t want to pay the late registration fee.) You register for the test on the LSAC website (this one: https://os.lsac.org/Release/LSAT/Information.aspx) and before you can register you will have to create an account (which is worth it because a) you have no option, you have to so you can apply for schools and b) they give you a free sample LSAT to take). Once you’ve signed up for the LSAT, the LSAC website becomes very friendly, continually giving you tips on what to do in the months and weeks leading up to the LSAT. Take them. Take them all. (Especially the “scope out the area before the test” tip. You do not want to get lost on your way to take this test. You really don’t.)

3. Steal LSAT prep books from your previous employer. Now, obviously if you’re going to take this route you must leave a very polite note in the space where the LSAT books were, explaining your purpose in this theft and promising that you’ll bring them back in 2-3 months with a batch of homemade cookies or brownies. (Note: Only make that promise if your homemade goods are edible. If not, Oreos work just as well.) For this plan to work you must also have

a)      a previous employer that liked you very much and won’t mind your foray into petty theft (It’s even better if he just writes it off as you “getting into the mindset” of some of your potential clients.), and

b)      a previous employer who happens to have LSAT prep books.

If you do not have either of those things, I would instead recommend you buy the Princeton

LSAT Review Book. This one. (Also, I don't really know what just happened with my

spacing, but it's just gotten super weird. Sorry about that.)

It’s not as expensive as lots of other things will be at this point (anywhere from $8-$30

depending on how you feel about used books), so you can buy it AND still feel justified in

picking up Jimmy Johns to eat while you study. (But if you steal from an employer you can

get Jimmy Johns and ice cream. That’s why it’s my go-to option.) 

(Another Note: The stealing from former employer has the potential to become very awkward

when your brother [who is ever so kind to help you move] accidentally lumps the LSAT prep

book in with a bunch of other things slated to go to DI and so you never actually return the

book. This could quite possible lead to the kind of shame that never lets you look your

previous employer in the eye again and the feeling that you should just move out of state to

avoid him [which is actually fairly doable because you can simply pick an out of state school,

graduate with high honors, and make your former employer so proud of you that they let the

lost book slide]. Not that I’m saying that’s what happened at all, I’m just saying you should

prepare yourself for every eventuality, okay?)

I worked with a few different prep books while I was studying and this was my favorite. It has three sample tests in the back, it works through every section on the LSAT with you, it has step by step instructions on which sections to study depending on how much time you have (including what to do if you’re opening this book the night before you take the LSAT, which I personally thought was very thoughtful of them), and it has a sense of humor (which is very important to me in any book). It also doesn’t beat around the bush. One of the things I loved most about the Princeton LSAT Review book was that it straight up told me that the writing section on the LSAT was essentially useless and just there so schools could have the option of not feeling guilty for judging you based solely off your tests scores. I checked with a few current law students and one law professor and they all agreed with the book. Talk about a load off my mind (although I was also quite sad, since that was arguably the section I did best on…).

4. Find someone you know who has a genuine love for doing logic puzzles and become their best friend. I’m not talking about Sudoku, or word search, or crosswords, I’m talking about mean and evil logic puzzles. For instance: 6 friends, Mary, Jane, Pam, Tom, Bill, and Fred are all taking 6 different tests (Biology, Physics, Calculus, Statistics, History, and Russian) on 6 different days at 6 different times. Using the clues below, determine what test each person is taking, on what day, at which time. (The question will then give you 4-6 clues, approximately 2 of which will be really helpful and 2-4 of which won’t be until you’ve solved ¾ of the puzzle.)

Those kind of puzzles.  

(Oh look! Spacing fixed!)

The puzzles that when you start doing them kind of make you lose your will to live, but as you keep trying them somehow become fun and strangely addicting. And that’s the good news, because the more of these puzzles you practice, the better and faster you’ll become, which is helpful when you’re taking the test.

Luckily for me, I have a father who (because he’s a little odd, but hey, that’s why I love him) loves these puzzles. LOVES. 

(This is him. Isn't he delightful? In addition to puzzles we share a love of baseball. Well, he ingrained a love a baseball into me at a very young age so that he could share a love of baseball with me. He did this with all 9 of his children actually....)

Every year for Christmas, for as long as I can remember, he has gotten a book of these puzzles in his stocking and after the excitement of opening presents has worn down, he’ll settle into his chair with his pen and just knock out 2-3 of them for kicks and giggles. He was thrilled to find out that I was taking an interest in these mind games and spent hours working with me on how to decipher the clues and get faster at solving them. He even seemed to enjoy it. (Of course, that might have been because it’s always a little fun to see someone struggle with something that comes so naturally to you. Gives you that sense of superiority and all….)

But why do you need to find a best friend and bribe them into helping you (my father’s bribe was a solid mix of Carl’s Jr., desserts, Diet Dr. Pepper, and movies) you may ask? After all, you have the review book spelling these out for you, right? Well yes, but these puzzles really are best to learn by having someone teach you. It doesn’t matter how good the test review book is, it’s not a person, and it’s not as engaging as a person. So go out, make smart best friends, and bribe them into submission.

5. Take the sample tests. Take as many of them as you can without feeling the need to commit suicide. Not only will they give you an accurate reading on how you’re doing, but they’ll build up your endurance and stamina. And the stamina is a much bigger deal than I gave it credit for. (Which is mostly because I’m a cocky idiot sometimes.)

Sigh. I was going to have the LSAT all be one blog post, but since I’m already at novel lengths (because, as I’m sure you’ve figured out and come to expect by now, I never shut up), I’ll save the actual taking of the LSAT for next week.

It’s okay, I’m pretty sure all this pointless talking will actually be super helpful for me when I’m a lawyer. I’ll just talk people into a stupor, get them to agree with me, and then say “Bam! You’ve been lawyered!”